What Are Your Partner’s Emotional Allergies?
Share This Post
What are your wife’s emotional allergies?
What is that one reason that makes your husband/wife infuriated in a fraction of a second for no reasonable cause? Is it the way you ask him/her something? Is it the way you say something? Is it the way you touch him/her on a particular part of his/her body?
For me, it is someone pushing me from the back. For Pallabi, it is me holding her arm while crossing the road. For some, it is touching the back of their heads. For some, it is their spouse asking them why they are late.
These are all emotional allergies. Knowing these allergies of each other can really save us from having so many meaningless fights.
What are Emotional Allergies/raw spots?
All of us have emotional skin. And all of us have got cuts along the way, and some of these leave a scab behind.
If these scabs are rubbed, we bleed again. We often think that the person who unknowingly rubs them is responsible for the pain, but it’s not true.
These scabs have a deep-rooted history.
Interestingly we consciously forget about the cause, but unfortunately, our mind and body remember them.
These raw spots take us to a time when we felt rejected or ignored.
How they affect our relationship
As I said earlier, we consciously forget the hurts, but our unconscious mind and body never forget.
And a specific action, a facial expression, a touch brings back the same feeling we had decades ago.
Our body gets ready for a fight mode, and we shout at the person who pressed the trigger.
Our spouse is caught unaware of what happened to us, and he/she is left wondering, “What did I do? I only said it for fun.
I never get angry at these things.
Why does she have to react in such a way?”
Of course, this can be a beginning of a fight which can end in a breakup.
What to do?
Become aware of the emotional allergies
It is essential to become aware of these allergies.
Think about what triggers anger in you.
It could be something that your spouse does or says.
Many times these emotional allergies are triggered by touch, tone or even a look.
Using ‘raw spot’ terminology:
When these raw spots are pressed, we can’t resist shouting at the person who pushed them.
But after the immediate outburst, anger or silence, it is beneficial to have a conversation about what just happened using the term raw spot.
Something like, “when you laughed that way, I felt a raw spot pressed me.”
In this type of conversation, there’s no blaming.
This helps the partner listen fully as he/she feels safe compared to the spouse loading his/her guns to attack back.
There’s no understanding required here; all that you need to do is to accept it.
Hold it with the utmost respect. I find apologising the best way.
Along with this, it is crucial to keep the promise not to press that trigger again helps.
Let’s start right away
Share with your partner the following:
1. My emotional allergies are (in other words, when you or anyone else does the following I get infuriated)………..
2. The root of my emotional allergies are ……………………
3. My ways of reacting to allergies are (e.g. Shouting, silence, etc.)…………….
After sharing the answers to the above questions ask your spouse to do the same. Both of you make a mental note of these allergies and be sensitive to each other. This way you can really avoid the frictions that can bring about needless pain.
What’s the one thing you learnt?
Write in the comments
Learn The 3 Secrets To Win Your Wife Back
Other Resources
Share This Post
June 7, 2021 @ 10:55 pm
My wife’s emotional allergies are that she does not like to be instructed and that may be coz of her profession which involves taking instructions. Which she does not want to have when at home.
June 10, 2021 @ 5:06 pm
Ya..
I do realise that it’s imp to identify my emotional allergies and to communicate the same to my wife .. just to make sure I don’t get rubbed again at a wrong spot.
And I shall ask my wife’s side aswel on it… but frankly I m not too sure if she would respond to it right away. I m ready to give her time to feel safe and understood around me.Would make every effort not to rub her at her emotional allergy, once I get to know it .
June 10, 2021 @ 8:47 pm
There’s a whole session on the Blueprint course. It might give you more insights.
January 9, 2022 @ 4:26 pm
It is important for us to know our partner’s weak points, or raw spots. And we should make sure that we do not trigger those. This will help avoid a lot of fights.
April 15, 2022 @ 2:07 pm
Awesome insight!
January 13, 2022 @ 11:30 pm
I realised to be aware of my spouse’s emotional allergies and not to step on it again
April 15, 2022 @ 2:08 pm
Great realization!
February 11, 2022 @ 1:56 pm
I understood what are my wife’s emotional allergies and still to know more. I in the process of learning relationship science and trying my best to win her back in my life
March 21, 2022 @ 2:33 pm
Good learning. Great to know that you want to learn further to bring back love.
Thanks for sharing.
April 15, 2022 @ 1:54 pm
Great!
February 14, 2022 @ 9:15 pm
Thanks for the wonderful write up, i now understand that i failed to understand her emotional allergies and i was pressing on those points ? will keep this in mind
March 24, 2022 @ 11:08 am
Great realisation!
All the best!!
May 10, 2022 @ 1:21 pm
I know my wife’s emotional allergies are me speaking from a place of authority and entitlement. She immediately goes into fight mode and I have learnt all the buttons to push her – with my voice, expressions and choice of words to hurt her more. I have realised that no one wins in these fights. I lost the very minute I decide to use her weaknesses against her. I realised I’ve only pushed her away further.
May 24, 2022 @ 8:10 pm
Great realization. I wish you all the very best at keeping your love story alive.
May 27, 2023 @ 6:21 pm
Time and again i have pressed the raw spots of my wife and she has retaliated .i did not have the learning that i was time and again triggering her emotional energies. I repent for that and thanks for making me aware
May 28, 2023 @ 8:26 pm
I am glad to know that your greater awareness now is leading you on the right path.
October 6, 2022 @ 12:25 am
I have realized that my dear wife’s emotions are hurt, when I do a small favour to her or to her family people and I keep on harping on it, and proclaiming that I have done a yeoman service to them. This attitude of mine she simply detests and abhors. Also, till quite recently, I have been telling her that I had taken care of her mother and even when her dear mom, passed, away, I have done all things related to her funeral, in the absence of my wife’s brother ( my br in law) Repeated utterances by me have infuriated her and made her go wild. I sincerely feel, that I should have not done these things which are infact cheap of myself and shall never raise these issues at any point of time, upon our getting reunited. VAL thank you for this eye opener.
October 17, 2022 @ 4:08 pm
Great!
Now when you reflect back, what do you think would have been your wife’s thoughts and emotions when in the past you said this?