How To Say Sorry To Your Wife?
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Why should I say sorry to my wife always? Why should I apologise to my wife even when it is not my fault? And then is there any romantic way to say sorry? Well, these are the questions I am going to answer in this blog.
“The fuel is over in the scooter.” Pallabi told me over the phone.
She had left for office after lunch on the scooter and halfway through the fuel had got over.
When she said, “fuel is over” my immediate response was “I am sorry.”
She said, “that’s fine.” And then we discussed the possible ways we could handle the issue.
This was a small incident that could have escalated into a big fight. She telling me all the reasons why I should have filled the tank and me getting into a counterattack.
In retrospect, what made me say sorry? What made her say “that’s fine”?
It has nothing to do with us being a mature couple. In fact, it is everything to do with we being relationship literate.
If we were not, I would have started solving the problem without apologising and she would have attacked me for not taking care of things. (sounds familiar???)
So, here are some important things that will help you to say sorry and in the right manner the next time.
Getting out of “no sorry zone”:
Somewhere between 2 weeks to 2 years of our marriage we get into ‘no sorry zone’.
In fact, the old adage, “no sorry and no thank you” in close relationships also stops us from saying sorry.
In some marriages partners come to a stage where they say “Let him say sorry first”. But that doesn’t make things better.
Realizing that you are in a ‘no sorry zone’ helps you to get out of the attack defend habit. Instead, you will focus on getting out of ‘no sorry zone’.
Reset your reason for saying sorry:
A few years ago I learnt the real reason for saying sorry.
Today I don’t say sorry because I am wrong. I say sorry because what I did or said hurt her.
In truth, both of us are right almost all the time. It is that we are not able to figure out how the other person is correct.
Know your husband/wife’s stress style:
When you or your partner gets hurt the stress level goes up. Out of that stress comes anger. There are two stress styles: one is instant and the second is gradual.
When to say sorry: You got to say sorry as soon as you realize that you have hurt your partner.
If your partner has an instant style, he or she is going to shout at you even when you say sorry. Do not get upset at this moment.
Instead, realize that he/she is not shouting at you, he/she is trying to get the stress out of the system. This new knowledge will help you to calm down.
If he/she is a gradual type then you can expect him/her to remain grumpy for a few hours. At these moments be accepting.
How to say sorry: According to me, you can use words or gestures or gifts. It all depends on the situation and your partner’s personality. But there are two elements which are important:
1. It has to come from inside. (our brain can detect the mask)
2. The mistake shouldn’t repeat.
Now the question is what if you are the only one who says sorry all the time? How do you make your spouse apologise as well?
Would you like to learn that?
Alright, I will teach you that in the next blog.
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May 30, 2021 @ 11:48 pm
I was saying sorry in the wrong way all this time. Being apologetic is to transform ourselves not just for the sake of it. But for a higher purpose
June 28, 2021 @ 11:06 pm
It’s very difficult for me to say sorry to my wife as I have grown up in No Sorry No thanks Society who are dear to us, But from your lesson I have learnt that saying Sorry is very important in relationship. I have to practice that.
June 29, 2021 @ 3:25 pm
Appreciate you for your openness to learn.
All the best.
July 19, 2021 @ 1:18 am
Truely said..
Apology with true heart works..
Ego destroys all..
I’ll try to work more upon it..
Thanks..
July 19, 2021 @ 2:40 pm
Keep it up Irfan. Thank you for sharing.
August 29, 2021 @ 6:30 pm
Good point is we should understand when they shout. Actually they are getting out of stress that they are currently experiencing.
August 29, 2021 @ 7:42 pm
Wonderful insight. Once we understand our wife too starts understanding us.
September 20, 2021 @ 12:26 pm
I used to find it difficult to say sorry.
April 15, 2022 @ 2:16 pm
Great realisation!
September 26, 2021 @ 3:35 pm
Absolutely right Val I used to say sorry but problem was that I couldn’t control myself from repeating the mistake of misbehaving, abusive and violent horrific behaviour. But Now I will
April 15, 2022 @ 2:10 pm
Good realisation and happy to know your commitment.
September 26, 2021 @ 3:37 pm
Coach I want to to talk to you soon.
October 11, 2021 @ 1:15 pm
Hi Alok, Kindly finish your learnings firsts. I can guide you the best once you finish your learnings.
November 23, 2021 @ 1:08 am
In starting dates of our marriage, never understood i m hurting to wife and even after that i didn’t say sorry any time …. which may lead to a gap in our relationship…….
say to sorry to spouse …. will end all future problems……. this i learn from above content
November 24, 2021 @ 11:33 pm
Great insight. Keep it up.
December 26, 2021 @ 4:17 pm
I recently said her sorry because I realized the way I behaved and reacted was 1000% wrong. She is still filled with anger and is badly hurt by my actions.
Will love to work on improving my self and get her back
December 27, 2021 @ 3:35 pm
Great insight Dhiraj.
Appreciate the new approach.
March 21, 2022 @ 12:52 pm
Happy to see a positive spirit.
All the very best!
January 20, 2022 @ 12:54 am
I feel that my sorry didn’t reached to her. Or else I was wrongly saying sorry to her. I tried all wrong ways to connect to her.
In between lots disasters happened. I somehow feel that she got badly hurt with my direct or indirect actions. But I requested her for 1-o-1 meeting but she became tough person now. Still will my strong 1way Love towards her will make me win her again……
April 15, 2022 @ 2:02 pm
Good realization.
All the very best!
February 11, 2022 @ 7:03 pm
I leant how to say sorry
April 15, 2022 @ 1:49 pm
Awesome!
March 8, 2022 @ 1:07 am
Many times I said sorry for heart .. even the last time we spoke she had no reaction
March 24, 2022 @ 11:07 am
Thanks for sharing!
Understanding relationship science is prime.
March 9, 2022 @ 12:23 am
Sorry is most powerful words as soon as possible you should say sorry to her… she was kept supporting me but I was waiting for her one word Sorry from her… when I ready to say sorry she left the home… today we are separated..
I will work on this
March 24, 2022 @ 11:07 am
Happy to know your willingness to work.
Thanks for sharing!
June 1, 2022 @ 12:05 am
I¦ve read several just right stuff here. Certainly value bookmarking for revisiting. I surprise how much attempt you place to make this sort of fantastic informative website.
June 2, 2022 @ 11:52 am
I am glad you liked it and found it useful.
July 17, 2022 @ 9:14 pm
I use to ask sorry but as said she shouted lot so in the same i was replied now i realized to let her stress out on the shouting thanks i will try if situation comes
July 28, 2022 @ 2:16 pm
Great learning
All the best!
October 6, 2022 @ 12:48 am
True VAL. Thank you and sorry are indeed the two great lubricants to keep the vehicle of marital life running smooth for longer years !!! I have realized it very much now and would implement for a lifetime after getting reunited. with my wife.
October 17, 2022 @ 4:01 pm
Again a very good insight!
May 19, 2023 @ 8:39 am
Rightly said, since my childhood I’ve been following No Sorry, No Thank You with near and dear ones. In the initial Romance phase of my married life I must have made the mistake of following the same. Later when our son came into world we’re not living together but still we’re connected. Over the last few years we lost that connectivity. I have realized this Sorry concept before joining this program and I was looking for ways to connect with her in some way and say SORRY. So far I didn’t find a way and the right moment to do so. I’ve not given up and still looking for different possible ways to work on it.
May 28, 2023 @ 8:24 pm
Focus on the learnings in the course to get the answers. All the best!